Why aren't I allowed to talk to my family & Friends?

I was talking to one of my friends in Canada. I was telling her what was going on. Well my husband was still sleeping. Or so I thought. He gets up and after I hang up the phone. He says to me, I heard you talking about me. He doesn't want me talking to people about how he is. He says it makes him look bad. He is all about control. My sister calls me and I really can't talk to her because he can hear me. I cannot talk to my own sister and tell her what is going on because he can hear me talk about him and then I have to deal with him yelling at me and telling me it isn't any of my friend's or Family's business. So for the rest of the time that he was home. He would listen to my conversations. NOT turn on the extension to listen. Just listen to what I was saying.

Yesterday's happenings

His new thing is that he's been offered OT until about Oct/Nov. Working Both Sat & Sun. Well, we STILL do not have a couch, Kirsch still doesn't have a dresser. There are things needed here. What does he say to me? "Well if I am going to work all this OT then I want something out of it" @@ So he was looking at Big Screen Tv's on Craigslist and had the nerve to ASK me what I thought!!! I told him "I cannot believe you are looking and considering a huge tv when we have a TINY living room with NO space for one. Why can't we just save a few more $100's and get a new couch. How about we buy a carpet cleaner so we do not waste $$ renting one? Why not buy Kirsch a dresser?" He started having a temper tantrum. He says to me well you said I could use what's in savings for myself. I told him " You didn't GIVE me any choice"! We NEED things in that house more then we need another stupid TV. Ours works just fine! So now he's pissed at me because he says I am calling the shots. Boy he has it soooo twisted in his mind! He says I have the say so in this house. NO I don't he won't even let me keep magnets on my fridge!!! He tore off some of Lainey pics that she drew on there today! Then started throwing my magnets off of the fridge. I know it sounds stupid, but this is the kind of crap he's been saying and doing. ANYTHING that makes me happy or brings me joy, he has to shoot down and berate me over. I am thinking of doing a Blog on it. My friend Kim suggested I keep a journal of all the things that he does to me to show and prove how long it's been going on and what not.

Then he calls me on his lunch break last night and tells me to start looking on Craig's list for a couch and what we need still from the fire. It only took telling him that we need to take care of some things first, before he can go and just "spend" money. He wasn't very happy with me. He pretty much a temper tantrum. When he doesn't get what he "wants" he gets really pissy. He won't talk to me, or even interact with me. Because I told him how I feel about what he wants. I just do not understand why he has to have stuff that is sooooo expensive and I do without and there are things that could be needed housewise.

Getting Started

This is my first entry. My best friend told me to start a journal of my husband's abuse. I thought this would be a good idea. Easier to type then to write it out. I am going to be entering my accounts of my husband's behavior and my feelings with all of this.

Why do men think that they have to control every fiber of your being? Or of who you are? Why won't they just let you "be"?? Or how about just let you do what it is you are to be doing. Without inserting THEIR opinions and HOW they think it should be.

Example: Ok the kitchen is a women's terrain. He insists that HE find new places for things. Even though that mixer doesn't belong with the pots. He says that it's kitchen too and he will put things where he thinks they should go. NOT where they have been put for the last how many months.

When I stand up to him he threatens to hit me or gets down right nasty. When he threatens to hit me I tell him to go right ahead! I look right at him and DARE him to. He backs right down. You see, my husband is Verbally and Mentally abusive. He doesn't see that his actions and behaviors are abusive. He thinks as long as he doesn't "hit" me he isn't abusing me.

He doesn't take any type of responisblity for his actions. He doesn't see that HE is the problem. He blames me for any and everything that happens in this family and marriage.

That is another thing, there really isn't a marriage. He hasn't been a husband to me in over 8 months. There isn't ANY affection from him anymore. It feels like I am wilting and in this prision.

I keep telling myself I just have to hold on until I get down with school and get my degree to support my kids on my own. I know what it is like to raise kids on your own. I have done it before. What is stopping me from leaving him is that right there. NO money and no degree to ensure a decent lifestyle for myself and my kids. I have about 2 yrs left. I know I can get through it. When I do leave him and I am filing for divorce right away.