Getting Started

This is my first entry. My best friend told me to start a journal of my husband's abuse. I thought this would be a good idea. Easier to type then to write it out. I am going to be entering my accounts of my husband's behavior and my feelings with all of this.

Why do men think that they have to control every fiber of your being? Or of who you are? Why won't they just let you "be"?? Or how about just let you do what it is you are to be doing. Without inserting THEIR opinions and HOW they think it should be.

Example: Ok the kitchen is a women's terrain. He insists that HE find new places for things. Even though that mixer doesn't belong with the pots. He says that it's kitchen too and he will put things where he thinks they should go. NOT where they have been put for the last how many months.

When I stand up to him he threatens to hit me or gets down right nasty. When he threatens to hit me I tell him to go right ahead! I look right at him and DARE him to. He backs right down. You see, my husband is Verbally and Mentally abusive. He doesn't see that his actions and behaviors are abusive. He thinks as long as he doesn't "hit" me he isn't abusing me.

He doesn't take any type of responisblity for his actions. He doesn't see that HE is the problem. He blames me for any and everything that happens in this family and marriage.

That is another thing, there really isn't a marriage. He hasn't been a husband to me in over 8 months. There isn't ANY affection from him anymore. It feels like I am wilting and in this prision.

I keep telling myself I just have to hold on until I get down with school and get my degree to support my kids on my own. I know what it is like to raise kids on your own. I have done it before. What is stopping me from leaving him is that right there. NO money and no degree to ensure a decent lifestyle for myself and my kids. I have about 2 yrs left. I know I can get through it. When I do leave him and I am filing for divorce right away.